December is sneaky.

It’s the one month where three different money cultures collide: the office wants to do “something fun,” your building staff suddenly has an envelope system, and every service worker you actually rely on all year becomes top of mind. And if you’re middle class — paying a mortgage, juggling debt, trying to max the Roth or at least not fall behind — you’re the one doing math while everyone else is posting gift bags.

So let’s answer the real question: what’s fair? What’s generous without being performative? What’s respectful to workers without wrecking your own budget? And how do you set limits with coworkers and family without looking cheap?

Here’s the Financial Middle Class take.

1. Start with a December Number

Most people start with, “What should I give the cleaner?” Wrong starting point.

Start with: “How much can I spend on December generosity overall?”
For a lot of middle-income households, that’s going to be something like $200–$300 total for “gifts/tips/gratitude” that are not your family gifts.

From there, you divide it up:

• $80–$120 → people who make your life actually work (cleaner, sitter, dog walker, building staff)
• $15–$25 → office gift exchange / Secret Santa
• $20–$30 → teacher/coach/childcare classroom
• $20 “misc” → the surprise envelope that floats around every December

That’s how you stay in control. The minute you let everyone else set the number, December becomes a slow leak.

2. Office Gifting and Secret Santas: Put a Cap on It

Office gifting only feels unfair when no one sets guardrails.

Here’s the clean version you can recommend, or if you’re a manager, you can send it:

Holiday Gift Exchange Guidelines

• Spending limit: $15–$25
• Participation: voluntary
• Gifts should be workplace appropriate (no alcohol if unsure, no personal grooming, no gag gifts that punch down)
• Managers may give but don’t have to receive through the exchange
• Wish lists or interest forms encouraged

Why that range? Because in a real office, not everybody makes the same money. A $50 Secret Santa might be fine for the director, not for the receptionist. A cap protects lower-paid staff and takes status out of it.

Also: it’s okay to opt out. You can literally say, “I’m skipping the exchange this year, but happy holidays!” You don’t owe anyone a financial explanation.

3. “Should I Get My Boss Something?”

Short answer: no, not unless it’s a group thing.

Gifts should not go up the org chart. It makes things weird. If the team is doing a $5–$10 card and coffee-beans situation for the boss, fine. But you, by yourself, buying something more expensive than the rest? That’s how you start a quiet competition no one asked for.

Managers, on the other hand, can give to their teams — that’s appreciation. Just remember: cash and gift cards to employees are taxable, so if it’s a real bonus, run it through payroll. Don’t call wages a “gift.”

4. Tip Season: Pay the People Who Kept You Afloat

This is the part that actually matters.

There are people you’ve seen all year — they’ve cleaned your house, watched your kid, walked your dog, kept your building safe. Holiday tipping is how you say, “I noticed.” That isn’t the same as tipping every cashier with an iPad.

Use this rule:

The closer they are to your household, the closer you get to a full service or a week’s pay.

Examples:

• House cleaner/housekeeper: up to the cost of one visit
• Regular babysitter/nanny: one sitting session / small bonus
• Dog walker: one walk
• Lawn/snow service: $20–$30
• Building staff: $25 on the low end, more if you live in a higher-cost building and they’ve actually helped you

If money’s tight, prioritize childcare and home care first. That’s not etiquette; that’s values.

And if you truly can’t do cash this year, you can still do:

• a handwritten note saying how they helped you
• a smaller amount + note
• timing it with your next regular payment (“I added a holiday bonus to this invoice — thank you for everything this year.”)

People value being seen.

5. Don’t Confuse Middle-Class Norms with Luxury-Building Norms

Please don’t let a viral NYC “what I tipped my doormen” TikTok set your number if you live in West Palm Beach, Dallas, or a regular apartment complex.

High-cost cities and luxury buildings run on a very different tipping culture — more staff, more expectations, sometimes bigger household incomes. That’s their economy. Yours can still be respectful and generous within your reality.

Your job is to be fair, not to cosplay wealth.

6. The Awkward Ones: Teachers, Coaches, Mail Carriers

• Teachers — a $15–$25 gift card + thank-you note from the kid is perfectly fine. If the class is doing a pooled gift, participate if you can.
• Mail carriers/USPS — they actually have rules about cash; do a small non-cash gift or a modest amount within guidelines.
• Coaches/instructors — small gift cards are standard.

Again, do not let December convince you everyone needs $50. They don’t.

7. “Tax-Smart” Generosity, but Realistic

A lot of people hear “gift tax” and think the IRS is watching their $60 envelope. It’s not.

• Holiday-level gifts to individuals? You’re nowhere near the annual exclusion.
• Where you do have to pay attention is if you’re an employer — cash, bonuses, and gift cards to employees are treated as wages and should be reported.
• If you have a household employee on the books (nanny, elder care), that bonus is income too.

So the real “tax-smart” move for regular people is not a hack — it’s just calling things what they are so you don’t create problems later.

8. How to Say “This Is My Cap” Without Sounding Cheap

You’re going to need language. Use language like this:

• “Our family is doing a simplified holiday this year, so I’m keeping gifts to under $25.”
• “I’m in — what’s the spending limit?”
• “I can’t do the exchange this year, but happy holidays!”
• “We do year-end tips for people who help with the house, so I have to prioritize that.”

That’s adult, clear, and it signals: “I’m not saying no to you, I’m saying yes to my budget.”

9. Why This Matters for Middle-Class Households

Because all these “little” December things are aimed straight at the people who are still trying to build savings.

We love to tell middle-class workers to “pay yourself first,” then we shove three social obligations into the last 30 days of the year. That’s how people end up putting generosity on a credit card at 20% APR — which, if we’re honest, is generosity you’re now financing.

Generosity is good. Financed generosity is not.

So the fair thing — the actually fair thing — is to set numbers that let everyone participate without debt.

10. Close It Out

Here’s the truth that usually goes unsaid:

December giving is supposed to honor relationships, not expose paychecks.

If the system in your office, building, or friend group makes people feel broke or embarrassed, that’s not generosity — that’s performative spending. You’re allowed to push back on that. You can set a cap. You can prioritize the people who cleaned your house, watched your kids, and showed up. You can be generous and still be disciplined.

That’s what middle-class stewardship looks like: kind, not careless.